God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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