Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Found the puke drawer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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