I cannot find my penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
