My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
