How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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