3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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