May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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