Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
