i was born a porn star she said
Say something about gay babies.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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