we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can I color on your dick again?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
