I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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