i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
