like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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