we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
pop tarts are not kleenex
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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