i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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