after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
FUCK WHALES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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