Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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