me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
