i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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