So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
did i walk over a car last night?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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