I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize