he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
