we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
