and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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