Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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