I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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