hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
