Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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