Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
