Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
