Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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