Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up under a house in Key West
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