Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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