why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
