he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
