She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
