i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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