we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
