i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
