captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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