He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
