The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
