Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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