Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
