I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
