Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My pussy is not your playground.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
