But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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