If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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