oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
BRING THE BAGELS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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