i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
