Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
handjob tips. give me some.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
