Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
