My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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