i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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