Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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