He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
