do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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