I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
