im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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