fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
