dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Couch. On fire.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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