i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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