I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
