K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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