she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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