names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it was like eating out sand paper
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
