I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can text with my tongue
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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