Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
