oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
