I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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