You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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