I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
